Today, Grace at dVerse asks us to “Meet the Bar” with regards to setting. So I began with that age old phrase, “once upon a time” and discovered that it seemed to be a setting unto itself, one that the speaker and the listener partake of evocatively, symbiotically. Or so I indulge myself in believing.
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Once, the old woman/man/animal/tree/rock began,
in the ages when spring set in for a millennium
water gushed from every nook and cranny
of underground wells and the vaulted heavens opened
she/he/it paused
there was an orchard where a blind child played
the rains dancing like fingertips, skimming her face
leaving braille-like tales of love and longing
the old woman/man/animal/tree/rock sighed,
upon the upturned eyes that could not see, the nose, the chin
the water savoring their quill-like strokes
the papyrus face now a harbinger of things to come
so that the blank eyes took on diamond sharpness –
here a tear fell, or was it a leaf, or a stir of dust –
her breath like the sifting wind among the chaff
her words a beat out of time so that the foolish laughed
but the earth claimed her as a shepherd’s star one still night
in the ages when spring set in for a time.
This Jolly Beggar 
This could be a tale for the ages.
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“Once upon a time” tales do encourage playing with archetypes.
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This poem encourages you to read it more than once to feel its push and pull. The weight of it is sobering to realize. Innocence in being figuratively blind throughout creation, it makes me wonder the true reality of things as they are and what we ourselves then choose to believe, like the child.
This is my subjective interpretation of your stunning, stirring, and mesmerizing piece. I could be very wrong, you know! 😁 It’s just the themes I saw when reading. And boy, that was an experience itself.
A tale seemingly as old as time, you told it well.
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Love your interpretation, Lucy, and thank you for the wonderful analysis. I was playing with archetypes throughout, the time/dreamscape of the preternatural, all of which you give voice to in your comments. Thank you for your generous reading – You made my day! ❤️
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Your poem makes me feel like a witness to the origin story of human awareness. The rain falling on the blind featureless face that takes on sentience. I like the gender neutrality of the coming-into-being as well.
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In the dreamscape of “once upon a time” tales, seems to me there is an awakening element that seems implicit and I did want to bring that out. I love your perceptive reading that adds so much more. Thanks, Lisa.
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You did a great job of it, you’re welcome.
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❤️
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What a creative response, like a garden from heaven. I am specially moved by your ending lines:
but the earth claimed her as a shepherd’s star one still night
in the ages when spring set in for a time.
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Thank you, Grace, so glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
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Wow Dora! This is really beautifully done! I liked the razor sharp eyes…
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Dwight, thank you for the kind comments! 😀
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You are welcome!
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So many wonderful elements in this poem .. I also appreciated the gender neutral approach you took and the story telling form. And like Lucy, I read this more than once … compelled to.
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Helen, very kind of you, thanks so much. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
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I felt like a time traveller while reading your poem, Dora, transported to the origins of life itself. I love the use of sound to emphasise the abundance of water, and the nugget of a scene in:
‘there was an orchard where a blind child played
the rains dancing like fingertips, skimming her face
leaving braille-like tales of love and longing’,
which reminded me of a scene in Frankenstein,
and
;the papyrus face now a harbinger of things to come
so that the blank eyes took on diamond sharpness –
here a tear fell, or was it a leaf, or a stir of dust’.
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Thank you for noticing that “origin” idea, Kim. Appreciate your comments and happy you enjoyed it 🙂
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This is so beautiful and enchanting as a fairytale, shot through with realism!
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Ingrid, thank you! Glad you liked it.
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Wow, that’s really wonderful.
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Thank you!
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Wow, this is captivating Dora🧡
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Aww, thank you, Jude! 🙏
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Has anyone said “Wow” yet? Yes I guess they have. I’m with them. Wowza!!
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😀 Thanks, Ron.
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This was a wonderful “Once upon a time” Dora. Your use of words and imagery of fantasy made me read it over and over again so I didn’t miss anything. This is a very special poem ☺️
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Thrilled that you enjoyed it, Christine! Thank you so much your generous comments.
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You are welcome Dora ☺️
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Poetry is the statement of power that sets the soul free, to be, exactly who you are — and in being just that, to introduce your truth to the world!..
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Rob, thank you!
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I read this a and my first thought was about a myth of creation… or as others have commented, the birth of awareness… I sometimes believe that I remember the first night I became aware… it was a very strong emotion and I can almost feel that gender-neutral being coming down to grace me at night.
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To have a memory of that first coming to awareness is precious, more so that you recall it’s profound grace. The poem as a birth of awareness is an interpretation I’m quite happy to join you in, perhaps as even mimicking a gestational memory of the earth itself.
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